Last week I sort of poofed into non-existence around here, because we found out our dog (Baby, aka My Baby Girl, aka My Big Beautiful, and as of the last couple years aka Ms. Graybeard) has bone cancer.

While there's nothing we can do to save her, I'm hoping for her last days to be the happiest and most comfortable I can give her. As of yesterday it seemed as if I was going to have to let her go, but luckily for my breaking heart the latest medication we tried seems to be working. This morning she got up (which was a plus compared to what she's been doing), and she was ready to go outside with me as soon as I got my coffee. She was standing in the bedroom doorway with her tongue out and tail wagging, looking at me as if to say "Are you ready yet? Because I am."

I debate every day and every hour what the best decision is. I am constantly weighing what's best for her and what my heart says. This big girl has a huge hold on my heart. She's been with me through some of the times the military called my husband away.

She was my constant companion when we were transferred to Upstate New York. The kids decided they'd rather stay at Gramma's daycare than travel back and forth to the new house to prep for the move in. Baby didn't though. She was more than happy to hang out with me, taking up the entire back seat of my car.

She's the loud whine you hear through the door when she's heard the garage door go up.

She's the bull prancing around you, like she's smaller than she is, whining and whimpering and turning until you've rubbed every inch of her while you say hello.

She's the goofball that will plop her butt on the couch with her front legs on the ground, like she's a person sitting on the couch with you. And she'll look at you once she's sat as if you're going to carry on a conversation with her.

She's the sweetheart that will tip her head until it's almost upside down, trying to be cute as she thunks it into your lap so you'll love on her.

She's the softy that will curl herself into the smallest ball possible so the tiny cat can stretch out and take up most of the dog's bed.

Anyways, I could ramble on forever about what a special friend she's been, but if you have a dog you know exactly what I mean. So that's where my head and my heart have been for the last week. Watching, waiting, caring for, hovering over, bringing food and water dishes, assisting up and down the front stairs (you're right that's no easy feat when she weighs that much). But I was granted a reprieve when she got up today and moved voluntarily. And she's been hopping up and laying down again all day. Every time I leave a room a few minutes later she'll be behind me. So, I'm hoping I get just a touch more time with this awesome creature in my life.