Hey everyone! I hope you've topped off your cup and you've put your thinking caps on, because I've got some questions for you today.

Life has had me thinking and pondering quite a bit lately, and over the weekend I got to share a Mom's Night with some girlfriends of mine and that got me to thinking some more. So, I'm going to share some stuff with you, and I'd like your feedback.

Yeah, it's a conversation day. I did warn you that they would happen from time to time.

So, life in general. I, like many people it seems, have reached a crossroads moment in my life. Unfortunately for the ones around me, I'm not quite adept at dealing with them (crossroads moments) and so my life has been in a sort of flux for the past few years. I have swerved all over the road I'm on trying to find that balance between what's right for my family and what's best for me. Let me give you some history, very quickly and very vaguely.

I married my husband 15 years ago. He was in the military when we met, but I had no interest in marrying the military. I grew up a military brat, and I knew firsthand the toll that lifestyle can take on a family. As is often the case though, I found out you really don't control who you love. You can choose to disregard that love and walk away, but you love that person. For me, loving him meant that I wanted to be with him. Still, it was under the belief that he was not going to make a career out of being in the military.

Life has a way of screwing with our plans, and our paths change. Our path was for him to remain in the military. Looking back, I should have realized this was going to be the case, but you know what they say about hindsight. I don't regret the choice I made, as I wouldn't have had the experiences I did, and I wouldn't be where I am right now. I may not know where I'm going, but I know where I am and where I've been. I'm grateful for the people I've met, the experiences I've had, and the path that I'm on.

Anyways, the military lifestyle is not always conducive to the family getting exactly what they want, especially the spouses. I can't fully explain what some spouses sacrifice for their military person, and I can't expect you to fully understand it without a full explanation, but it's a difficult road to be on. Over the years, I have tried my hand at a home-based daycare (licensed, of course), working full-time, doing a home-party business, graduating from college with a degree, trying to find a job using that degree, working from home, doing part-time work, and as of now balancing working part-time out of the house and from the house with my book stuff.

I have had to, because of where his career has landed us, walk away from some of my life's plans. I was bitter, angry, and resentful about this for a a couple of years, but I've moved past that accepting that that path just wasn't really the one I was supposed to be on. I'm glad I made the choices I did for my family, as I've realized that my sacrifices for them have made us as whole as we are today. I can now congratulate myself on doing a bang up job of keeping my family intact, raising a set of really good kids (seriously, I've been told by others), and being an extremely supportive spouse and partner.

Now, as my kids gets older and don't need me as much, I'm striving to find that balance between my family's needs as they shift towards less and my needs in fulfilling my purpose and/or happiness. I am happy with my family life, but I accept that I need something for me. Something that I can do that is for me, my success as an individual, not just as a mom and spouse.

I've been doing a million self-examinations of who I am, what I want, what is my passion, where do I want to go, which direction would I like to head in, etc. It's difficult in the fact that I have to balance these needs with the basic (financial, emotional, physical, psychological) needs of my husband and kids.

Yes, part of this examination has come from almost a full year of ups and downs, to include loss of life of people and pets, close calls with family members, financial hardships with cutbacks at work, etc.

So here are some decisions I've made:
I absolutely need to quit smoking. I've tried many times and failed many times, but I'm taking them all as learning experiences and doing it. So, you're going to see a daily count show up on the page starting May, 12, 2012. Yep, Mother's Day weekend.

I am going to start the business I've wanted to start for over 7 years now. I will use the savings from quitting smoking to help me establish initial capital investment. Of course that means, I won't start the business right away as I save the money, but I can and will be attending small business seminars to start working my idea out and putting a more in-depth plan in place. I'll have to start small and build it up, but that's okay with me.

I am going to make sure that my focus on my family isn't just a matter of I'm available, it's going to be more like it used to be and I'm going to be actively involved.

So, what about you?
Have you found your plans being changed as events in your life made it necessary to alter them?
Have you ever felt negative emotions about where you are and how you got there?
Have you ever faced a decision where the outcome is only limited by you and what you decide?
Have you ever had to make sacrifices for those you love?
Do you have a dream, a vision that's different than where you're currently at?
Or have you already achieved your dream?

I would love to hear your story, if you're willing to share it. I think we've all had moments in our lives that make us capable of relating to this experience. But I could be wrong.